"My son learned the basics in Home Ec at school and we tinkered with it until we matched the recipe made by the tutu down the block. Always good for a neighborhood luau, or a take-along to a potluck party. Serve with soy sauce and garlic bread."
Fill a large pot with water, 2 tablespoons olive oil, and sea salt; bring to a rolling boil. Stir in fettuccine and cook over medium heat until tender yet firm to the bite, about 8 minutes. Drain and transfer to a large bowl. Toss with butter and black pepper.
Heat remaining 2 tablespoons olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add ground beef, luncheon meat, Worcestershire sauce, garlic, and liquid smoke; cook and stir until beef is browned, 8 to 10 minutes. Transfer beef mixture to a plate lined with paper towels using a slotted spoon.
Stir bean sprouts, mushrooms, scallions, carrots, and half of the cilantro into the grease in the skillet. Cook and stir until bean sprouts are wilted, 3 to 4 minutes. Return beef mixture to the skillet; stir until reheated, about 2 minutes.
Mix beef and bean sprout mixture into the fettucine in the bowl. Garnish with remaining cilantro.